The Cologne-
This story has gone unmatched since it occurred. I mean…really…well you’ll find out why..
At the other school I used to work at I had this sneaky little kid in my group named…well..we’ll call him ‘C’. Whenever ‘C’ was up to no good he’d give me shifty eyes to make sure he wasn’t going to get himself caught. That of course always tipped me off that he was doing something he shouldn’t be.
One day during snack I catch ‘C’ sneaking something out of his backpack at the table. He throws shifty eyes my way and then quickly stashes the item so that he won’t be caught. However..I did see it. In fact, I did a complete double take thinking surely I did not see what I thought I had.
I say, “Um…I don’t think so. Hand it over.” He does so very reluctantly. Since I had already caught a glance of this item I can’t, in hindsight, believe that I dared to touch it. I guess I was really trying to talk myself out of seeing what I saw. But no…I took it. And in my hand now was a small bottle of KY lube.
I pulled ‘C’ aside and calmly asked, “What is this?” because I was dying to know what he thought he had. “That’s my cologne.” And sure enough I had caught sight of him dabbing something on his neck at the beginning of the day. So ‘C’ had been dabbing lube all over himself all day before I confiscated it.
“’C’? Where did you get this?” Guilty look. “My Aunt’s drawer.”
At this point I’m absolutely biting my lip and its nearly bleeding. I wanted so bad to lose it. I shuffle over to my boss and show her. “’C’ has stolen some…erm…’cologne’ from his aunt’s drawer and brought it to school with him.” I had to go to where she was so that the kids wouldn’t see me totally lose it. Then, when trying to find something to store it in, a co-worker of mine grabbed a latex glove and stuffed it into one of the fingers. So now I’m carrying a bottle of lube around stuffed into the finger of a glove so that it totally looks like a condom and I’m wondering if things could possibly get any more inappropriate. I put it on my boss’ desk so that she could speak to whoever was picking ‘C’ up that day.
The funny thing was that the Aunt was supposed to pick ‘C’ up that day, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. Instead I led his mother to my boss’ office so that we could speak with her. Now this is her sister’s…um..goody. My boss handed her the glove and she says, “Y’all got me all worried about what’s in here!” The way she opened the glove had me rolling all over again. My boss has this look on her face like she’s not sure how to approach this conversation, but she says, “Um…’C’ thinks this is cologne…..I’m not so sure.” The Mom sort of pried it open with both hands and looked down into it and then quickly shut it and looked up biting her lip, trying not to laugh. “No. I’m not so sure it is either.” We all died. Poor ‘C’…his mother will have dirt on him for the rest of his life!
Gotta love kids…Even the shifty-eyed ones!
