Well to say that the past few months have been a struggle would be an understatement to the greatest extent. I have been an emotional roller coaster. For someone who prides them self on being stable both in mind and in actions, I feel really out of whack with the mood swings I've been experiencing.
Bob and I considered depression. There was a month or so when I first moved down here where I was constantly weepy, down, and excruciatingly irritable. Poor Bob, he bore the brunt of that period. Thing is...and call me hoity-toity if you must..I'm above depression. Yeah..it sucks not having a job and feeling like you are helpless and forced to depend on someone. I'm a very independent person so thats hard for me. But nothing to be depressed about. Then again, I wouldn't put myself past relying on that rational reason and overlooking the highly irrational nature of depression. So maybe its true..what next?
I've done everything I can to get a job. My resumes are floating around two large counties right now and a handful of private schools and academies. The jobs just aren't there. Stupid recession. Alright, North Carolina. Where is this job shortage you've been touting all over the midwest? Huh?
I'm bored silly and that is half of the problem. It all goes back to being jobless though. I have no income, and no insurance. In plain words, I'm in ghettoville, ladies and gentlemen. In the past six months I have experienced the very worst that our fine American health system has to offer to people in my situation. I have had to get approved for free medical attention..thats a perk right? Well making an appointment with that perk still meant having to sit in St. Joe Hospital E.R. in Fort Wayne, Indiana, for over 7 hours only to find out that I had acute tendenitis and being put anti-inflammatories. That reads, prescription-strength Ibuprofen, folks. I have a new appreciation of what people in my situation, and in worse situations, have to go through to receive basic medical attention. Newsflash America! Your doctors are the highest paid in the world, and your health system ranks with several third world countries. This brings me back to a little ditty I learned on Sesame Street as a child. "One of these things is not like the other. Which one of these things does not belong?"
I haven't been able to refill my Ritalin LA for a few months now. Let me explain what that means in my world. I get up around 10:30-11 every day and have NO motivation to do anything. Some would call that lazy..thats my mind screaming "GET THE HELL UP AND DO SOMETHING, ALREADY!" and my body responding..."Cant....move...can't...think...can't...function". I'm in flakeville big time.
The good news? After having to go to the County's Public Health Dept. I was finally referred to a physician who will see me without raping me for loads of money. So hopefully, I'll get a refill next Friday and be a normal person again. If anything about my life is depressing it is that fact. Normal people take drugs and act like flakes. My brain makes me act like a flake and I have to take medication to be normal. Thats terribly depressing. I hate having to depend on anything. So anyhow, this doctor used to be the director down there I guess. So she's gonna see me, without insurance, for $35. BLESS HER heart and thank you Baby Jesus.
Speaking of Jesus. And I don't say that in a vain tense...I have a predicament. Bob and I are still church-shopping and there is a local church that I'm really interested called Westminster Presbyterian. Anyhow, they have contemporary services as well as traditional. I'm looking for a blend of the two I think. Bob is leaving in the morning for Georgia. He won't be back 'til Thursday. I'm thinking of going alone but I'm really nervous. Does anyone else go to church alone if they are in a relationship? I mean Bob would go if he wasn't leaving for Georgia on business. Do you really need company to go to church? I'm kind of torn. Let me know what you think.
Well this was a long time coming. I need to get off for now though. I apologize for the tone of this blog, however, its simply the reality of my current life situation. I'll leave you with a positive note. Today I bought daisies and pansies. Two of my favorite flowers and also very happy flowers. So I'm going to try out my green thumb again this year and transplant the daisies into a nice coco basket I got to hang off of our porch rail. I'll take picture of the progress.
'Til next time! Toodles...
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March 29, 2009 at 9:44 AM
Times are tough right now. It's so hard to find a job. It's the worst where I live. I was very fortunate to find a job and still have one. I see people losing their jobs weekly. You drive around and see vacant home everywhere. When Dustin and I first moved to Michigan I looked for a job for two months. It was awful. I put in so many resumes and drove around all over the place. It definitely was not fun. I made it my job to find a job. There were days where I could not get up in the mornings. Have you thought about getting a part-time job for now while you're looking. It will at least get your out of the house and make you feel better.
Dustin and I did quite a bit of church shopping up here. We found a church we really like. It's more contemporary. It's so hard to meet people when we moved here but since we started going to church that's helped. I never have gone to church alone so I can't really answer that question for you but I do see people all the time who attend church on their own. You don't need company to attend church. People are so friendly and will talk to you. If they don't then find another church. :-) There's always so many small groups that you can join as well. Usually most churches offer all sorts of small groups that canter to each individual. Anyway hope that helps. I'll be praying about the job situation for you. Keep me posted.